NTNU - Norges teknisk-naturvitenskapelige universitet 
Ansvarlig redaktør: Informasjonsdirektør Kåre Kongsnes 

Teknisk ansvarlig: 
Erik Prytz Reitan

 
Stewart's corner 

ORGUT and The Twelve Days of Christmas 

Even the Christmas song industry in England is rationalizing activities. Hearing what the ORGUT-team had done at NTNU, our colleagues were invited to propose economy measures for the traditional Twelve Days of Christmas Corporation Ltd. After three weeks of hectic work, ORGUT delivered its report as these minutes from the last corporate board meeting show: 

«The Board thanks ORGUT for their work and has decided that the following measures will be implemented in the Twelve Days of Christmas Corporation Ltd: 

* The Partridge part of the section will be retained, but the Pear Tree part has not functioned well. The new unit is to be called the Partridge in a Plastic Plant Section. 

* The Two Turtle Doves Section is not cost effective. In addition, romance during working hours cannot be allowed. The section will be restructured within the Partridge in a Plastic Plant Section. 

* The Three French Hens Section will remain. It is bad PR to reduce our French connection after the World Cup. 

* The Four Calling Birds Section is to replaced by an automated voice mail system. 

* The Five Golden Rings Section is to be retained and expanded into new value creation sectors. 

* The Six Geese-a-laying Section is a luxury since the market for goose eggs is uncertain. The geese are to be slaughtered replaced by chickens. The section is to be merged with the Three French Hens Section. 

* The Seven Swans-a-swimming Section is decorative and will remain. However, claims against the corporation have come from dangerous swans. All will be given early retirement and replaced by self-propelled, non-polluting mechanical swans. 

* The Eight Maids-a-milking Section is not in line with equal opportunities legislation and it is to be renamed the Milking Section with a four male/four female balance in the workforce. 

* The Nine Ladies Dancing Section is also against the equal opportunity act. The section will be phased out by early retirement and natural causes as the staff grow older and can no longer do the steps. 

* Ten Lords-a-leaping Section is a problem because of the homosexual implications in its name, its lack of gender balance and Tony 
Blair's plans to reform the Upper House. The Board will retain it under the new name, the Health, Environment and Safety Section. 

* The Eleven Pipers Piping and Twelve Drummers Drumming Sections show that the corporate band has got too big. The sections will be merged and replaced by the new Music-on-Demand Section that will soon be available from all staff PCs (preferably outside working hours). 

«The Board thanks ORGUT for their help in the downsizing operation and has decided to form a new company based in London to continue such work. As of 1 April 1999, the Organization for Revitalization of Gimmicks, Understanding and Tradition or ORGUT Ltd. will commence business.» 
  

NITO-English 

NITO has an interesting English website (http://www.nito.no/abroad/english.html) which is worthy of the festive season as NITO has an offer few professional societies can equal. First, it organizes where its member (presumably members) eat. «NITO organizes engineers graduated from the colleges of engineering. 65% of the member ate In the private sector, 20 % in the municipal sector and 15 % In the governmental sector.» 

Second, it promises help with funkier education. «Counseling is a service provided to members and engineering students in connection with questions about funkier education.» I doubt whether the statutes of the society cover funky or funkier activities as these mean smelly, heavy beat music, laid back, hip and sexually attractive. No doubt 1999 will reveal the truth. 
  

Enlightening English 

Tasty dishes for Christmas: 

Old salt cooked the natural way. 

As for the tripes serves you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praise to your children as you lie on your deathbed. (Polish Tourist Brochure)