ORGUT and The Twelve Days of Christmas
Even the Christmas song industry in England is rationalizing
activities. Hearing what the ORGUT-team had done at NTNU, our
colleagues were invited to propose economy measures for the
traditional Twelve Days of Christmas Corporation Ltd.
After three weeks of hectic work, ORGUT delivered its report as
these minutes from the last corporate board meeting show:
«The Board thanks ORGUT for their work and has decided
that the following measures will be implemented in the Twelve
Days of Christmas Corporation Ltd:
* The Partridge part of the section will be retained,
but the Pear Tree part has not functioned well. The new
unit is to be called the Partridge in a Plastic Plant Section.
* The Two Turtle Doves Section is not cost effective. In
addition, romance during working hours cannot be allowed. The
section will be restructured within the Partridge in a Plastic
* The Three French Hens Section will remain. It is bad
PR to reduce our French connection after the World Cup.
* The Four Calling Birds Section is to replaced by an
automated voice mail system.
* The Five Golden Rings Section is to be retained and
expanded into new value creation sectors.
* The Six Geese-a-laying Section is a luxury since the
market for goose eggs is uncertain. The geese are to be
slaughtered replaced by chickens. The section is to be merged with
the Three French Hens Section.
* The Seven Swans-a-swimming Section is decorative and
will remain. However, claims against the corporation have come
from dangerous swans. All will be given early retirement and
replaced by self-propelled, non-polluting mechanical swans.
* The Eight Maids-a-milking Section is not in line with
equal opportunities legislation and it is to be renamed the
Milking Section with a four male/four female balance in the
* The Nine Ladies Dancing Section is also against the
equal opportunity act. The section will be phased out by early
retirement and natural causes as the staff grow older and can no
longer do the steps.
* Ten Lords-a-leaping Section is a problem because of
the homosexual implications in its name, its lack of gender
balance and Tony
Blair's plans to reform the Upper
House. The Board will retain it under the new name, the Health,
Environment and Safety Section.
* The Eleven Pipers Piping and Twelve Drummers Drumming
Sections show that the corporate band has got too big. The
sections will be merged and replaced by the new Music-on-Demand
Section that will soon be available from all staff PCs (preferably
outside working hours).
«The Board thanks ORGUT for their help in the downsizing
operation and has decided to form a new company based in London to
continue such work. As of 1 April 1999, the Organization for
Revitalization of Gimmicks, Understanding and Tradition or ORGUT
Ltd. will commence business.»
NITO has an interesting English website
(http://www.nito.no/abroad/english.html) which is worthy of the
festive season as NITO has an offer few professional societies can
equal. First, it organizes where its member (presumably
members) eat. «NITO organizes engineers
graduated from the colleges of engineering. 65% of the member ate
In the private sector, 20 % in the municipal sector and 15 % In
the governmental sector.»
Second, it promises help with funkier education. «Counseling
is a service provided to members and engineering students in
connection with questions about funkier education.» I doubt
whether the statutes of the society cover funky or funkier
activities as these mean smelly, heavy beat music, laid back, hip
and sexually attractive. No doubt 1999 will reveal the truth.
Tasty dishes for Christmas:
Old salt cooked the natural way.
As for the tripes serves you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be
singing its praise to your children as you lie on your deathbed.
(Polish Tourist Brochure)